How I Escaped The Evil Clutches Of Medium
Or Articles Of A Scam
I found the cancel membership option. Not surprisingly, there is no option to cancel the automatic membership renewal. Nor is there a way to remove my credit card. So, I had to set a reminder on my phone to cancel before it renews. Sheisty shit like that is exactly why I am cancelling my subscription.
I signed up for Medium because Tannille incessantly told me how great it was. She was clearly obsessed. After months of reading about how great Medium was and about the extra money she was making, I decided to sign up. It was $50 for a year. I did cheater math and decided I only needed to make $5 per month to recoup. Cheater math would net me an extra $10. I paid my $50 and jumped in. In my first full month, I made $16, almost $17. This was too easy. I was on track to blow my $5 per month out of the metaverse.
Then, Medium drastically cut payouts. I haven’t made $6 in a month since. I made over $5 a few times. Then, Medium implemented the ever-popular 30-second rule. Yep, I got myself into a scam. I should know better by now. Never give an entity more money when they change the rules on you after they have your money. The Prince in Micronesia isn’t stranded due to a frozen bank account and will refund the financial aid I give him with healthy interest, those pills will not increase the size of my penis, and the hot girl I met on a dating app only wants to talk on Instagram, because she can’t get kicked off when one of the other guys she’s s̶c̶a̶m̶m̶i̶n̶g̶ talking to turns her into the app.
In a classic case of creating a problem to provide the solution, Medium offered Friends Of Medium. Think of streaming services eliminating password sharing to get more people to pay for what they were getting for free or adding ads and offering the ad-free experience you were already enjoying for an increased price. Medium is even more diabolical.
Friends Of Medium, there’s a friendly title. Since we’re going the full Nineteen Eighty-Four in this country, we might as well learn Newspeak. If you have to pay to be someone’s friend, they are not your friend. They are using you and leaching off you. That’s not the diabolical part. Paying to be a Friend Of Medium means the blogs you read get paid more. So, for the friend of Medium to get paid more, someone else has to also be a friend of Medium. They get paid twice, so you can get paid once. I don’t need cheater math the tell me that doesn’t add up.
I’m also just not the right person for Medium. I’m a writer, not a blogger. Of course, the two aren’t mutually exclusive. To be a blogger, one also has to be a writer. My goal is to write longer. I’ve written books and scripts as well as shorter projects. I typically take a break from longer projects to write one 100-word story per week for my blogs.
Blogging is social media for nerds. I am a nerd, but I am not a social media person. I’m not a social person. I try to be, but I am horrible at it. I’m shy and awkward. The harder I try, the worse it gets, especially now in a time when everything one says can and will be held against you in the court of public opinion. I’m a writer in the traditional sense. I’m misanthropic and solipsistic. Moreover, I am not the type to trade like for like, follow for follow, or read for read. I’m also not a self-promoter. I often forget about that shit. I write. I post. I disappear. I want people to read my writing, because I’m a good writer, not because I read your post or you’re hoping I will.
I am also not the typical Medium poster. I prefer to write and read fiction. Medium prefers “articles” to stories, especially about Medium, especially how to succeed on Medium. I know how to succeed on Medium. Write posts about how to succeed on Medium. Have I mentioned Newspeak? Everybody knows articles are slide shows with poor grammar, horrible punctuation, and misleading headlines. Medium posts are blog posts. I’ve tried publications, which; you can’t fool me, Medium; are not publications. They’re blog groups. I haven’t found one that I like. The few that I’ve tried have different rules, and none have raised my profile enough to make it worth dealing with the nonsense.
It’s mostly a time issue with a large side portion of a focus issue. I have way more projects in my head and on my computer and phone than I have time to complete. Meanwhile, there’s always the novel I’m supposed to get back to, the next novel that’s sitting on my computer as notes, and the completed novels that I’m constantly revising for the next attempt to get published. I also have horrible time management skills. I have no concept of time. I don’t believe for a second that time is real. Wait… I was born two weeks late, and I’ve never been able to catch up.
I wish I had more time to read other blogs or write more blog posts. Tannille has amusing posts with mildly smutty allusions, often co-starring her muse. Bob McWilliams had a great series about a retired vampire hunter turned bartender who encounters a series of supernatural creatures in a bar setting that works in a fun quirky way. Malicyoung has a brilliant Sci-Fi series about AI becoming self-aware. He has another series that I didn’t even get to. TzeLin Sam writes some wonderful pieces and often shares interesting details about her culture.
I’m not going to delete my account, but it will be pretty useless, since I’ll post to it even less and won’t be able to read posts. When I signed up for Medium, I thought about posting at least one of my books chapter-by-chapter, but that’s more of a last resort. I’m still trying for a fancy resort or at least one that offers tiny boxes of cereal for breakfast. If you’re interested in my writing for my writing, not just the hope of reciprocation, and my award-winning* recorded versions, I’ll still be on WordPress; my original blog; YouTube, Instagram, and sometimes TikTok; until it gets banned.
I’ve only checked my stats three or four times. I checked while I was searching for the cancel option. I am currently about $2 away from breaking even on my Medium membership fees. I hope this orgasmic explosion of self-expression; see, Medium, I can play the Newspeak game, too; is enough to make up the difference in the next three weeks.
It turns out Micronesia doesn’t even have a prince.
Do you think this will get boosted?
*My imaginary awards, awarded to myself by myself, beating out myself. Does that sound like masturbation?
